Category: Uncategorized

In what I would call my “adult life” there have been two competing desires: the desire for worldly success and comforts, and the desire for transcendence. These two desires always fought and argued for control of my life, and when one was at its peak, the other had receded. Now I know that this has… Continue reading The convergence of my desires

For the past few days up until this morning just an hour ago, I thought I had found the perfect characterization of secondself and thirdself: the Actor. My “persona” was a just a performance on a great stage. However something was incomplete. It was too abstract. Too poetic. My secondself is like an actor. Yes,… Continue reading The parasite

This time was always coming, but now it has finally arrived. In my incantations and prayers I have stated many times that the person I perform as when I awaken is different from the creator behind him. Yet in these prayers I referred to them both in the same first-person. Over a year ago I… Continue reading The actor

The persona I awaken into is a performance. It is a performance based on the idea that I am a person experiencing personhood in a world full of people. This is not true. That person is an actor. I am not that person whose body I awaken into. I am not him. To self-abolish I… Continue reading Self-abolition: dissociation

I have long known that the most detrimental elements of my awakening is my relationships with people. I was always aware and resentful of the way that people influenced me. From personal friends to the larger popular organism of society, the establishment, and authorities, it is their nature to want to manipulate and change me.… Continue reading Demanifesting people

It is imperative to define reality to understand my awakening. If I search the internet, I find a surprisingly accurate definition of reality: Reality is the sum or aggregate of all that is real or existent within a system, as opposed to that which is only imaginary… In physical terms, reality is the totality of a… Continue reading Reality: substantial vs notional

Thirdself phantoms are the residual shapes, textures, and forms of my thirdself which persist in secondself when I extinguish my thirdself by closing my eyes. They have both a secondself mental component but also a convictional component. For example, closing my eyes right now as I type this and focusing on my hands in front… Continue reading Thirdself phantoms

The second place is the sensation of awakening somewhere. As the Iamist, I know that my awakening — the second place — is an illness and I seek to heal by escaping it. The objective of secondself and thirdself constraint is to facilitate my healing and eventual self-abolition by slowly killing the root system that… Continue reading Second place self-constraint

The precedence of the Selfist Model is what determines the overall order of the layers of my existence, which I now qualify as my firstself containing my secondself which in turn contains my thirdself. And not the other way around. Prior to beginning my healing I believed that I was a person in a larger… Continue reading Establishing the selfist precedence

In this incantation, I explore the process of awakening into distinct layers of self-awareness, which I define as secondself and thirdself. The secondself represents my mental and emotional existence—thoughts, beliefs, and inner experiences—while the thirdself manifests physically through sensory experiences like movement and environment. I examine the depth of each manifestation, with deeper experiences attaching… Continue reading The depth of my awakening