Category: Uncategorized

The assumptions

It is always important to come back to the very beginning: I wake up to a never-ending moment. I cannot say with any certitude where I am, what I am, or who I am without relying on some piece of information or reference to some other person or belief that is not actually here right… Continue reading The assumptions

The language of people

I have continuously rediscovered that the language I use hides the truth. When I use the language of people — the language of thirdself — I obscure my identity from myself. The truth of who I am is hidden beneath layers and layers of self-deceptions. People do not continuously exist. They exist when I manifest… Continue reading The language of people

Thirdself images of myself

I have amassed a collection of depictions of myself from a perspective that is not my own. I might call them third-person images: photos, videos, and even memories seared into my secondself, taken from the perspective of another person. These “images” are poisonous because they misrepresent who and what I am. What is true is… Continue reading Thirdself images of myself

I wanted so much

The one thing that always differentiated me from all other “people” was the amount I wanted. I wanted more than anyone else. I remember trying to express how badly I wanted something; it was a terribly strong desire and it could break through the surface at a moment’s notice. I did not know how to… Continue reading I wanted so much

The surface of my moment

My moment is a surface of thirdself colors, lights, motion, objects, and change constrained within a sprawling secondself surface of thoughts, feelings, ideas, and desires, embedded in an infinite void of watery peace. All that exists is my moment; my moment is the totality of existence. There is nothing beyond, behind, or untouched by my… Continue reading The surface of my moment

Validation from my characters

There was a time when I wrote without understanding why I wrote. I would write my ideas down, and on those occasions when I penned something particularly insightful or important, I would imagine myself sharing my discovery with the world. A moment of fantasy in which I imagined all the reactions; shock and horror, insight… Continue reading Validation from my characters

I am always in firstplace

Firstplace is where I leave when I awaken. I actually do not leave firstplace for secondplace, but I experience a departure I describe as awakening. To be clear, this is not an actual departure or a movement of any sort; it is a disturbance that I experience as movement. A disturbance that I am convinced… Continue reading I am always in firstplace

Saying goodbye to people

This will likely be a long, evolving post as I continuously revisit the process of saying goodbye to people who have been important to me in my awakening. I have tried this in various ways — a few years back I was calling it “my proclamation”. But I think it really just has to be… Continue reading Saying goodbye to people