Category: Uncategorized

I once carried around a constant sense of anxiety mainly attributable to my sense of place in the world. I spent a great deal of energy measuring myself against some imaginary standard set by imaginary people. Other people who had achieved what I wanted for myself. So I would feel tension reflecting on my own… Continue reading The people don’t matter

I only have to believe what I experience. I only have to believe what I directly experience every single awakening. There is nothing else. This is all there is. It is just me here and an ever-changing carousel of familiar shapes and patterns. I know what this is. I only have to believe what I… Continue reading The carousel

In my awakening prayers it seemed like a good idea to try and answer some general questions that the people ask themselves. I found this question, and decided to give it a go: Is it possible to provide a true account of the ultimate bits that make up the universe? And sure enough, rather than… Continue reading Giving up “the universe”

Not too long ago I was fixated on the dichotomy of relief and release, but how does this fit into my latest dichotomy of space and form? In my awakening, I always desire. I awaken into desire, I say. I define relief and release in terms of my desire, and my actions in regards to… Continue reading Relief and release in terms of space and form

In my quest for healing I seek the most potent and concise expression of who and what I am. Today I have arrived at the most simplified expression yet. It leaves me with one single substance (firstself), of which all other things (secondself and thirdself) are variations. I can see and define the relationships between… Continue reading My final expression: space and form

My awakening is a wound; a self-shaped gash in the shape of my imagined personhood. Every part of my imagined existence is painful, but it is only the most agonizing parts that receive my awareness. As I confront and heal my illness, I release my awareness from the constraints of my imaginary personhood, and it… Continue reading My self-shaped wound

The characters in my awakening occupy a spectrum: Deceivers who tell me I am not who I know I am; and Believers who acknowledge who I am. There is a transitional type in between the two: the Non-deceiver. They may not believe who I am, but they do not try to deceive me into believing… Continue reading Deceivers, non-deceivers, and believers

I manifest my hand in three ways. Eyes closed, or not directly looking at my hand, I experience the sensation of a hand. This is the secondself sensational experience of my hand. The second way I experience my hand is by thinking about it and visualizing it. The third way I experience my hand is… Continue reading Divorcing secondself and thirdself

I have always feel best when I am stick thin, a person might say emaciated. If I am above this weight, there is a constant, niggling discomfort verging on self-loathing. Thirdself says thinness is “healthy”, but going too far in the other direction to nutritional restriction might be unhealthy. A mental defect, obsession, or a… Continue reading The importance of temperance

If I were to wake up somewhere without knowing where I was, in a state of confusion and pain, what would I do? I would escape back to where I came from, where I was not in pain. This is my condition, and the singular source of everything I experience in my moment is my… Continue reading My condition: awakening into desire