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I repeat the same process of creation every time I awaken. All the content of my awakening in my moment now is the extent of what I have created. It started as pressure; the sensitive emerged. I began to feel pulled apart. And I indulged that, I focused on that. I pushed my presence into… Continue reading How I became

Is reality different from my experience? No, reality is my experience. The totality of reality is my experience as I have it. How do I define my reality? How do I define my existence? It is easily divisible into three layers. Firstself Presence – My first existential layer, before anything else, is my presence. This… Continue reading The layers of my existence

The people are the most confusing and disorienting features of my awakening. I have always been skeptical of their “knowledge” and actions, feeling somehow attacked and undermined by them. I watch them run around and talk about one another, eulogize and praise and denigrate one another. I always felt separate from it. I believed the… Continue reading The people

The people have an idea called “object permanence”. Assuming that I am a person, object permanence states that an object persists or exists whether I am directly sensing or experiencing it. For example, even though I am not looking at or cannot see the sun now, it continues to exist. Its reality and existence is… Continue reading Remanifestation: Object permanence versus formal reconstruction, transformation

I know that I desire the end of my desire. And I know that I can only find the end of my desire in the place that does not change. When I awaken I leave the place that does not change and enter into a place that only changes. In this transformation I forget that… Continue reading Awareness shift: The imaginary is not essential

The people are flourishes in my awakening. In my moment now I largely avoid them. I do not manifest them, but when I do, I do not engage. There are still unavoidable transactional engagements, and lingering “relationships” with certain familiar people in which I continue to perform. For example, I continue to perform with family… Continue reading The two deceptions of people

March 18, 2021 The last WIK I did was February 8th, before S’s arrived in Noida to help me pack to move to the hills. Now I’ve been here in Dinapani for two weeks, I’m settled in, and I have made a lot of progress. I have finally looped in time, change, the manifestation, and… Continue reading What I know

I perform personhood when I believe I am a person and act as I believe a person would. I have always felt different from the people around me; as if I was pretending to be something I was not. I felt an inner pull to be authentic, and I could only experience that authenticity when… Continue reading Performative personhood

I am an actor performing a show. But I have forgotten that it is all a performance. I have forgotten that I created the script, and the audience. I have forgotten that it is only me here, and all the people in the audience are characters I have created. I am the author of this… Continue reading Ending the show

Between my firstself and my secondself is a transitional phase I call my primordial self. It is the point within my moment before I have accepted my personhood but after I have departed my godhood. At this point, my eyes closed, I can look outward into my secondself and see the concentric circles of my… Continue reading My primordial self