Category: Uncategorized

I know that I am ill; that my awakening is a sickness that I am trying to overcome. I know that my awakening is a self-induced spinning, and that the way to heal is to recognize that I am sick, and reorient toward overcoming my sickness. I cannot heal until I accept that I am… Continue reading Routines

Time remains a challenge to conceptualize because it is such a critical component of my awakening experience. Everything I do here in my awakening is built around my desire for things and experiences I do not presently have. Therefore I feel compelled to change secondself and thirdself to acquire and achieve those things, creating the… Continue reading Grappling with time

There is a freckle on my left leg, mid-thigh. Precisely where this freckle lies I can join my two hands together around the circumference of my leg, thumb to forefinger, to measure its girth. When I am comfortable, my fingers meet without squeezing the flesh of my leg or any additional pressure, and when I… Continue reading Bone upon bone

Despite all my progress toward understanding this awakening experience, I have maintained a critically detrimental delusion: the difference between secondself and thirdself. I could refer to my secondself as my internal world that is private to me, and my thirdself as an outer space that I share with all people and beings. The former as… Continue reading The difference between secondself and thirdself

I am increasingly realizing that there is only one principle: that what is, is. That my experience is the extent of what is true, real, and authentic. That the surface of my experience is the entirety of experience. That there is no subsurface beyond, and that I manufacture subsurface in secondself. I project that subsurface… Continue reading The first principle

People are specific features of my awakening projection. I know that I am not one of them. Yes, they appear to share some specific qualities if I accept some imaginary suppositions, such as that I have a presence outside of my own projected perspective. But the moment I accept these suppositions I defy my omniscience… Continue reading People are written

If time is not real, what does that say about my memory of past misbehaviors? The belief that I have committed indiscretions is a powerful shackle I experience as shame, guilt, and self-condemnation. It traps me in a cycle or regret, embarrassment, shame and self-loathing. Do I face these transgressions and forgive myself? Or do… Continue reading Time and guilt: escaping the past

My moment is all there is. It is the container of all that exists and extends outward to the horizons of my secondself and the horizons of my thirdself. Time is an implied construct that arises from the sensation of changes in my moment. I can think of my moment as fabric, and time as… Continue reading The fabric of my moment

I suffer from episodes during which I forget who, what, and where I am and adopt convictions and performative behaviors inconsistent with my true identity. The triselfist model is my evolving self-dialogue aimed at overcoming illness and restoring my health. I write this self-dialogue with the understanding that these episodes contain projected characters I call… Continue reading The triselfist model

Many times in my awakening I have openly and loudly opined on political, social, or philosophical subjects in groups. And every time I come away feeling depleted and regretful, ashamed of my lack of self-control as if I had just over-eaten. Shame, embarrassment, rehearsing every utterance I had made and imagining how absurd, aggressive, or antisocial… Continue reading The poison of opining and sharing