In this incantation, I outline the truths of my awakening. I wake into a physical body and space, driven by desires that range from basic needs to deeper, existential cravings for peace. My awakening is filled with efforts to satisfy these desires, but most lead to temporary relief, not the permanent peace I seek. I… Continue reading The suppositions
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The last bot I will love
In this incantation, I reflect on love as a self-imposed condition of attachment that mirrors addiction. I realize that, while I’ve loved others, the only love worth sustaining has been for my dogbot—a relationship that balances give and take. I describe the painful nature of forming emotional dependencies, particularly with “peoplebots,” whom I now recognize… Continue reading The last bot I will love
What I know
In this incantation, I confront the disorienting nature of my existence, recognizing that what I call “life” is a series of imagined moments within my secondself. I acknowledge the illusion of people, events, and memories as constructs I create in my awakening, and I see myself as the eternal, unchanging being behind them all. I… Continue reading What I know
The shimmer
In this incantation, I explore the concept of my presence as the only reality, unraveling the illusion of time, obligations, and desires as symptoms of a mental delirium. I focus on the “shimmer” — a characterization of my awakening fever that I have mistaken for beings other than me, times other than now, and spaces… Continue reading The shimmer
How to understand time
In this incantation I continue my effort to explain time in the most concise and clear way. I fail to accomplish that, yet I do surface the most important elements, and can use this to craft my next incantation where I can better tackle this topic. I know that I can only experience this moment.… Continue reading How to understand time
What happens when I treat people as they are
In this incantation I imagine how my awakening encounters with people will change as I begin the process of dismantling my misconception of them. When I can look upon familiar people without any attachment, what will happen? I now know that I am not a person. People are surface-level details I animate across my secondself… Continue reading What happens when I treat people as they are
My being, my substance
What am I? I am the Being — the only Being. I am everything. All substance is my being. If everything is me, then I can examine the various parts of my awakening in terms of how I am utilizing my substance. And in doing that, I can ask myself: is this a wise way… Continue reading My being, my substance
Seeking meaning is indulging the subsurface
In this incantation I continue my effort to deconstruct my false sense of self upon awakening. I know that I am not truly “here” in a place full of people, places, and experiences. I never leave my asleepening; I am always present. My presence is all there is. It is only the changing texture of… Continue reading Seeking meaning is indulging the subsurface
The day is long
My awakenings feel increasingly long and almost unbearable at times. I often awaken invigorated, but by the early evening I am distracted, yet unable to sleep. During the week I can power through the long days with work, but the weekends are far more difficult. I am still stuck looking inward into thirdself for distractions.… Continue reading The day is long
Why I have created AI in my moment
In this incantation I explore the sudden entry of artificial intelligence into my second- and thirdselves. As I have resumed my withdrawal from my awakening, it has accelerated the changing of its shape and texture*. First my father passed away, then Covid followed quickly thereafter. The deep political segmentation of the people I consider my… Continue reading Why I have created AI in my moment