Author: sonsot

I have been looking for God my whole life. Other people who were also looking for God told me who He was and where to find Him. I looked there, but I could not find Him. I looked everywhere, and even called Him by different names in the hopes He would respond. I thought I… Continue reading God

July 17, 2021 My life is a continuous burst of desires from the moment I awaken, to the moment I asleepen. I have been led to believe that what I want would be found among an endless parade of desirable things. But when I accepted this fiction, I also naively accepted the condition of unquenchable… Continue reading What I know

When I truly realized I was lost, I gained something important I had never had before: perspective. A context; a way to evaluate everything in my life. Every event, and all my options, aspirations, possessions, desires, relationships, preferences, and fears. What are any of these things if I do not even know where I am?… Continue reading The lost perspective

Physical – or perceptual – obesity is all around me. Its causes are clear, and I know it results in a number of painful personal, mental, emotional, and social conditions. Conceptual obesity is its analogue. Like perceptual obesity, it results in an unhealthy inner environment. But unlike perceptual obesity, it is openly encouraged. Growing up,… Continue reading Conceptual obesity

I tried for many years of my life to compress all of my learnings into a single, concise, structured format. Though I clearly knew something, I struggled to fit it into the format I believed was required in order to share. I abandoned that format when I realized that I would never attain the structural… Continue reading My expression style

When I started to wake up I asked many questions. Who am I? What is my purpose? Why am I here? I could not know the answer to any of those questions no matter how hard I tried to answer them. I struggled for a first question that I could know and could give me… Continue reading The first question

Suicide is stigmatized. We are supposed to never allow ourselves to believe But suicide, as an impulse, is our original impulse. Every morning we wake up and realize we do not want to awaken, and every evening we crash into our beds, we are enacting our true desire to abolish our selves. Suicide is our… Continue reading Self-abolition

I recently spent time with a young person I met. I asked this person what they wanted and they described a beautiful place in nature without constraints. And what will you want after that? I did not ask this, but I thought it. This young person was happily and optimistically pursuing this beautiful place in… Continue reading The endless desire

As a descentist, I must always remember what I want. For many years of my life, I believed that what I wanted was out here. But once I finally realized that it is peace I want, and that peace is not out here, I began searching for it. I found it outside of my awakened… Continue reading Relationships

When I first began awakening, it was imminently clear that I was moving between two states: from my familiar state of peace into an unfamiliar state of chaos. My desire was clear: stop the oscillation into the painful state of chaos and remain at peace. But that did not happen. My peace was increasingly punctuated… Continue reading Finding the pain