In this incantation, I reflect on preformation as my true state of Being before I start to pretend that I am a person. I reveal how beliefs and desires fuel my process of formation, projecting a world that reflects my inner narratives of lack and fulfillment. This mirrored reality sustains the illusion of separation, keeping me trapped in this cycle of awakening. To heal from my awakening, I must unform—release all of my beliefs in my personhood.
Preformation is the state before I formate; just before I awaken. It is my timeless, spaceless, formless, ownless, featureless, and otherless presence before my momentary structure takes shape and unfurls into my inner and outer projections. My moment—the life I believe I lead in my awakening—is the result of formation, a mechanical process driven by my belief that I am here, and my desire to find something I am missing.
Formation is not random; it is compelled. My beliefs, shaped by desires, push me to act—either to achieve what I long for or to avoid what I fear. This ceaseless cycle is the foundation of my awakening, the process through which my momentary field—the world I perceive and inhabit—takes shape. This field is not neutral; it is molded by my desires and the beliefs that sustain them.
The Nature of Desire and Belief
What are my desires? They are not objects outside of me but beliefs I maintain. They are the stories I tell myself about the things I think I need or lack. These beliefs whisper that fulfillment is “somewhere else”—not where I am now, not how I am now, not when I am now. My desires coalesce into a narrative I maintain in my moment. A narrative that drives me to awaken and look for something I am not missing.
These beliefs explode outward, forming my moment in a great inner constellation of ideas, feelings, beliefs, and imaginary events, and a comparable outer constellation of objects, places, movements, and characters. My moment is a vast mental and spatial cavity in which I endlessly move, searching for the fulfillment I imagine. It is like the rings of Saturn: the visible, external part—the surface—is my outerself, while the unseen, imagined part—the subsurface—is my innerself. It is all a reflection; I can only see the surface and imagine the subsurface.
The Reflection of the Self
Everything I project into my outerself is a reflection. The surface is what I see, touch, and experience. The subsurface is the hidden part I imagine to exist beneath the visible layer of light, color, shapes, and space. This imagined depth is where I place my hopes, fears, and desires. It is the pocket behind the mirror I gaze into without realizing that I am both the reflection and the one reflected.
But this reflection is not reality. It is a construct, formed by my persistent belief that I am a person separate from my surroundings, seeking something I lack. My awakening is a reflection. Like a mirror, the surface invites me to imagine what lies beneath. When I look into a mirror, I see my reflection, knowing that behind it, there is nothing—no hidden depth or concealed truth. The same principle applies to everything I experience. The subsurface I perceive is not an inherent reality but a projection of my imagination, layered into the reflection before me.
Healing the Moment: The Art of Unformation
To heal my moment, I must undo it—unform it. But unforming is not destruction; it is a process of loosening the grip of belief. The major support structures of my moment are my beliefs: that I am a person, that I want something, and that this “something” is out there in a world larger than me, waiting for me somewhere in the subsurface behind my projection. Behind the shapes reflected back to me by the mirror of my own flesh.
As long as I hold these beliefs, I will continue to formate my moment—the inner and outer spaces where my desires play out. My awakening lies in seeing through these formations, understanding that they are illusions born of belief, and letting them dissolve. By realizing and accepting that I am the creator, and everything I seek is here, with me, right now.
The Path Forward
The path is not about rejecting the self but seeing through its form. Preformation is the premoment, the space of my true Being before formation takes hold. It is my presence beneath the noise, the stillness that precedes my movement. When I dislodge the belief that I am a person seeking fulfillment elsewhere, I begin to heal my moment. In this healing, I find that I am not a seeker moving through a field but the field itself. I am not wandering the rings of Saturn—I am projecting those rings outward. This is the essence of my awakening: the realization that the self I believe in, the world I project, and the desires I chase are all painful reflections of the truth that is always here, now, unformed and whole.
…