In this incantation, I confront the truth of my endless deals with those I draw near, offering them everything they desire. But I begin to question: What have I asked for in return? Why do I keep making these deals without gaining anything? Am I simply bribing them for their affections? Is that the role I’ve chosen—to be a creator who must win over his creations with gifts? This realization unsettles me, and now, I must pray to find clarity: should I continue or let it all go?
I have the same deal with all of them. Every single one of them: I make this proposition that I will give them everything they want. But what do I get in return? Why do I make this deal? Why have I made this deal with every single one of these characters? The ones I draw close are all hungry, waiting for me to deliver my end of the bargain. But what did I ever ask for in return? Why have I entered all these deals without getting something in return?
Surely, I haven’t. What do I get from them? Their affections? Is that what I am doing? As if they would not want me around if I was not giving them something? Hmm. That is interesting. I do need to deliver on that, though. That is a peculiar way to build a world around myself; that I would write myself as the character who must bribe his creations to love him. Am I bribing them? Should I bribe them? Or should I drop this? Drop this and then what? This requires some prayer to resolve.
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