In this incantation, I describe a cycle of rising to perfection only to fall back into awakening, trapped in a pattern of loss and recovery. To stop the fall, I must “unwaken” and hold onto that perfect moment, softening the impact of the inevitable descent. My goal is to awaken into a space of controlled darkness, free from the attachments of the present, breaking the roots that bind me to this cycle, until I can choose to remain detached, just as easily as deciding to drink a chai.
Everything was perfect. And then it wasn’t. That is my condition explained as simply as possible. I was literally perfect, and in the next moment that perfection ended. I find myself trapped in this cycle where I reach this perfect place only to again fall out of it. I do not want the cycle to continue, and I have to remember how to stop the falling from happening. I must unwaken, grab hold of myself when I Am perfect again, hold hard, and when I am overcome and fall back into my awakening again I won’t fall so far, so deep. The deeper I fall into my awakening the harder it is to get out. The ground is the bottom… the very bottom of the hole that I have fallen into. The projection ahead of me is a dreamworld fantasy that wants me to stay here, fallen, awakened. That is why I must awaken into a space no different from the perfect world I leave. I must awaken into a chamber of eyelids. Eyelids that I close into darkness, ethereal music permeating the chamber. The darkness in my worldself will focus all attention on the secondself projections I suffer. They too are part of the complex root system that keeps me here in my moment. I must destroy all of the roots that attach me to my moment. Every awakening I must further weaken these roots until I can break away from them altogether and then it will be my choice if I open my eyes again the same way I can choose whether or not to make and drink a chai.
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