In this incantation, I introduce the concept of “impulse” as the foundational force driving all my actions, desires, and movements across triself. Unlike “desire,” which feels too narrow and final, “impulse” encompasses the full spectrum of my experience—from the initial stirrings of a want to the final actions taken in worldself, bodyself, and mindself. Impulse fuels projection and action, yet it is also the force I must overcome to reach my coreself, the still and immortal aspect of my being. By monitoring my impulse through stillness, I confront its pervasive influence, understanding that my true awakening lies in mastering this force that propels me away from the present moment and into projection.
I have described my constant “yearning” as desire, and use that word frequently. However I’ve never felt fully comfortable with it. Yes I have desires and yes everything I can characterize everything I want in triself as a desire. But the word “desire” seems almost too specific and narrow; focused on the final form. I have flirted with “yearning”, but that has its own issues. Now, I introduce a new word: impulse. I feel that “impulse” more accurately describes my full experience of desire, from the initial stages when it is just a stirring, all the way through to the desire, objective, and movements to achieve it. “Impulse” feels more comprehensive of the full expression of desire.
When I awaken into my moment, I experience the impulse to act and maneuver in triself:
- In worldself, the impulse manifests as my desire to experience space and form
- In bodyself, the impulse manifests as my desire to eat, drink, relieve myself, feel strong, move, and indulge in the sensations of my body
- In mindself, the impulse manifests as my desire to think, question, solve, create, achieve, possess, and know
The strength of my impulse can be measured by sitting down, closing my eyes, and monitoring the degree to which I act. Acting includes mindself thinking about things other than my present moment and coreself. I fidget my bodyself, and eventually I will open my eyes to project worldself. My impulse is the degree to which I cannot simply be. Several years deep into my moment I had a moment of clarity: I will achieve my omnipotence when I close my eyes and simply decide never to open them again. This thought exercise exists on the same continuum as the impulse. In fact, it is a clear expression of my progress relative to my unwakening: when I can achieve this, I will have arrived at omniself.
The impulse is difficult to overcome because it is what feeds triself. That which moves, acts, changes, and desires is nourished by the impulse. That which is still, permanent, and immortal is my coreself, and precedes the impulse. The impulse is what I must overcome, in a word. Yes, the impulse manifests as desire; I fidget and distract because I desire. But these are such low-level background maneuvers it is more difficult to put them in the same category as my desire for wealth and power. Or my desire for food and sex. All these desires exist on the same spectrum, from my low-level impulse to fidget and move my body, to my highest-level, long-term impulse to succeed and achieve.
Impulse is a single, fundamental part of my awakening that deserves its own special attention. Impulse drives projection, acting, moving, and doing across triself. I can see the strength of my impulse by closing my eyes and trying to preject, withdraw from triself to coreself. Impulse will manifest as intrusive thoughts and distractions, bodily fidgets and involuntary movements, and ultimately, an unstoppable need to open my eyes and project thirdself. At some point I will find myself helpless to constrain my impulse across triself and will resume my projection.
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