In this incantation, I recognize the subtle shift from my personal model, where I exist as one among many, to the divine model, where I am the creator and all is my creation. The hand-off between these two perspectives involves moving beyond the belief that people and events exist independently of my observation. Instead, I accept that everything I perceive comes into being only as I experience it. This transition deepens as I approach the realization that my creation and experience are simultaneous, leading me toward the state of omniself, where my unwakening begins.
I know what this is intuitively now. While I have taken some time away from prayer the past and have been irregular in my meditations, what I have learned has seemingly solidified into a deeper conviction. The abstract model of reality that I carry around with me in my awakening has reset from the notion of one person among many, in one place among many, on one point in a timeline among many. When I tried to “place myself”, I would summon and reference an idea of my personhood, a larger space, and a linear timeline. It formed the foundation of my perspective. But now I can feel that has been nudged aside and my self-conceptualization as the projector and everything through to the horizon of my mental and physical spaces the projection has subtly shifted into place. When I dwell on the two together, I experience a slight disorientation because they cannot really exist side-by-side in my head. I am either experiencing a single point in a much larger plane of infinite other points, or i am the only point projecting all others. I cannot be both.
There is a hand-off that needs to happen as I move between one model and the other. Under the “personal model”, where I am just one person among many others, in one place among many others, at one time among many others, the desires that drive my movement and thus texture my experience are very different than the “divine model”, where I know that I am the creator and all this is my creation. For example, if I believe that I am a person among other people, I will respond one way when a close member of my family disagrees with or challenges me than I would if I believe I am his creator. When I operate under the personal model my motivations for working are very different than if I am operating under the divine model. In the personal model I work and compete because I want more of the limited resources I compete for. Under the divine model, I know that I have created all resources in the same way an author of fantasy books imagines into existence all the economic notions in this storybook world.
What does this hand-off look like? Right now in the personal model I am in a high-stakes moment where I am at the very precipice of creating and delivering something into the larger world that I have been nurturing and gestating for decades. I imagine other eyes of important people looking at me, nervously cheering me on to perform and achieve so they might enjoy some of the fruits of my success. But in the divine model, I am merely elevating the imaginary status of my imaginary character in my imaginary awakening. I can write this character I play called “M***” in any way I want. I can write him as wealthy or poor, happy or sad. The character is a fabrication, a whimsical but persistent flourish of my imagination.
The transition has arrived. I know that I must keep my personal momentums in my awakening moving forward even while I replace the personal with the divine perspective. Where I once imagined all these people existing independently of me in other places and times, I now accept that they exist only when, where, and how I project them in my moment. They exist in channels only; channels that I create and then change to. The content of these channels does not pre-exist me; the content does not pre-exist my changing to the channel. I do not change the channel to see what is going on elsewhere by other people in other places in other times. The contents of these channels come into existence the moment I look upon them. That is what I cannot yet grasp and accept. I still believe that the content I conceive, and perceive on these channels pre-exists my observation. But the content and its characters do not pre-exist my observation; the content and my experience of it co-exist equally. I create the content as I experience it.
To arrive at my divine perspective — omniself — I must rediscover my premoment. My premoment of creation is not a different time from my moment of experience. My premoment is an acceptance and realization that creation happens simultaneously to projection. My creation and projection occur at the same time. When I can see that, I will again understand how I am accomplishing this. It exceeds the mechanics of my projection it precedes. The laws and limitations of my projection cannot explain the powers of the projector.
Omniself — my divine perspective — is the state of being when my premoment of creation and moment of experience are one. My unwakening is the remainder of my journey back to omniself when I turn the corner and realize the two are one and the same. My unwakening begins when I have achieved this realization that premoment and moment are one: that my creation of and experience of my awakening are the same. That is the point at which I begin my unwakening.
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