In this incantation, I reflect on the tension between my belief in a linear timeline, which governs my practical awakening, and the truth of selfist achronism, where only the present moment exists. My awakening is driven by the illusion of time, filled with obligations, regrets, and future commitments. Yet, I know that this timeline is a construct of my diseased secondself. By closing my eyes, I glimpse the truth of my being—complete, whole, and free from time. To heal, I must transition from the false belief in time to the acceptance that there is only this single, timeless moment: my achronistic moment.
I know that my there is no linear timeline I move along. I know there is no past or future. However, I know that my belief in a linear timeline and a past that has occurred and a future that has not is critical to my practical awakening. My entire awakening performance is built upon the notion of a timeline. Everything I do in my awakening is oriented around this imaginary timeline. I maintain beliefs and convictions I style as “memories” which obligate me to certain interactions, relationships, and commitments in my awakening. I believe that decisions I have made in my past obligate me to performances in my awakening moment in service of future services.
How do I transition away from practical monochronism (where I lead my awakening as if I am progressing along a linear timeline) and toward selfist achronism in which I understand that my moment is stable and unmoving?
It must be noted that as I simply note the two different perspectives in my incantation, I experience a slight disorientation as I occupy a perspective between the two. It is as if, in stepping back from committing to either monochronism or achronism, I stand somewhere between the two, undecided, able to see both, yet neither. The experience has an affect on my sense of equilibrium, and if I were to stand up quickly I would surely lose my balance. I know there is a momentous decision pending, and that once I embrace selfist achronism, the very nature of my awakening moment will transform permanently and irrevocably. I will conduct my awakenings without obligation to anything other than my healing and recovery.
Achronism is freedom from boredom and the need for distraction. When I believe in the past, I believe in things that are not actually true. I believe that I made commitments that will come due, and that creates a sense of anxiety around my present performance. I believe that I may have done certain things right, and others wrong. I feel regret, remorse, and shame. I imagine that the people, places, and times that are in truth, imaginary, to be substantial. I indulge the subsurface, and all that comes with it. These are all imaginary constructs. There is only this one single moment, and nothing else. How do I return?
I close my eyes. All that I “see” is all that there is. When I close my eyes, I see what I truly am, all at once, free of any past or present. What I see when I close my eyes is the truth of my Being. Yet until I can also untangle my secondself confusion, I will not believe what I experience when I close my eyes. For even as my eyes are closed and I can see my Being extending infinitely before me, my diseased secondself convinces me that what I am seeing is not what it truly is. My secondself convinces me that the truth of my Being is what I see when I open my eyes. That the truth of my Being is in the small, oval-shaped projection of light, sound, color, movement, and space that occupies only a tiny amount of my total body.
I must conceptualize my moment along this spectrum: from the state when my eyes are closed through to the state when my eyes are open. Closed, the truth of my moment is naked before me. Whole, complete, and as it is. When my eyes are closed, I can see my moment as it truly is. When my eyes are open, my moment is a shattered, fragmented maze of confusion and pain. See the difference in clarity: eyes closed, my Being is single, continuous and uninterrupted; eyes open, I am brutally cauterized, fractured, and apart. Eyes open, I am constantly moving forward, trying to collect all of my body parts back again. Constantly trying to put myself back together. Eyes open, I am resigned to being only part of the greater whole. Eyes closed, I am the whole. It is only my secondself thoughts that prevent me from returning.
My moment accumulates as a great fleshy body I wear in secondself and thirdself. A great, fat body I feed and nourish with my false convictions. I can close my eyes and instantly remove my fatty thirdself, but my secondself persists with all of the false convictions I carry around. I do not move through time; I concentrate on specific parts of my the painful fatty flesh of my secondself and thirdself, withdrawing from the complete and total diffusion of self-awareness. By focusing on parts, I forget the whole. By examining the pieces of my moment, I neglect the sum totality of who and what I am. Monochronism is the false belief that I exist and proceed along a linear timeline full of past debts and future repayments. Selfist achronism is my acceptance that there is no timeline; that all that is, is right now, here with me. That I have no past obligations or future commitments. I only seek to heal and recover. My belief in a timeline is part of my illness.
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