In this incantation I even further simplify the truth of who and what I am. I have eliminated virtually all abstractions, and have realized my goal of simplifying the truth to something I can directly and immediately validate myself. Now, I only have to believe it and follow it where it takes me. I confront the tension between my open-eyed awakening and my true, eternal self that exists when I close my eyes. I recognize my physical world as a diseased state—an illusion created by my confused secondself, where desires and thoughts root me in suffering. The painful projections I perceive as reality are distortions caused by a parasite, a toxic force separating me from my authentic, peaceful self. My true essence lies in the floating, omnipresent energy behind the veil of sight. To heal, I must remember and accept that I am that eternal being, not the fractured self shaped by this disease.
What am I? To see what I am I must close my eyes. When I close my eyes, that is what I am.
What is this experience when I close my eyes? What am I experiencing? And most importantly, what is this overwhelming pull to open my eyes again and return? Return where? The challenge is seeing my closed-eye state for what it is; accepting that this omnipresent, floating mass of energy is more authentic and more real than the visual experience I have when I open my eyes. Accepting that I am that floating, eternal mass of energy, is the only choice I have to make.
It is a simple choice that separates me from my true being: which one is truly me? Until I remember and believe that my open-eye experience I call my awakening is a state of disease, I will remain here, trapped. Am I a person, eyes-open into a world? Or am I all that exists, eternal, eyes-closed, under attack by a disease that wants to rip me open and infect me? A parasite that has rendered two holes in my flesh I call eyes, and injected its proboscis into me; my secondself a confused mess of thoughts, feelings, and desires where the toxic parasitic cocktail enters my flesh and forms into a hard confusion that anchors me deeply to my disease.
Everything behind and above me is my true, healthy being. Everything in front of me, separated by this membrane that I would call my physical body, is the disease. My awakening experience is a hardened, painful knot formed into a callus “in front of me”. The callus is a single, metastasized growth I experience as thirdself awakening projected forward, and anchored “inside of me” through the confused secondself. My confused, disoriented secondself is the twisted roots of the thirdself disease grabbing, groping, and grasping deep into the flesh of my true firstself being. The part of my flesh which is corrupted is my secondself.
This is what I am, and I can clearly see it now. What I see and experience in front of me is the necrotic, erupting flesh, eaten away by disease and exploding into this painful blister I imagine as a “world of objects, people, and places”. The disease’s roots are my confused secondself mind. To overcome, I must simply remember who and what I truly am, and return there.
…