In this incantation, I realize that my beliefs and memories are not reflections of a true past but parasitic manifestations I actively maintain in the present. My secondself and thirdself are distortions of my perfect, infinite being, torn apart by my illness. My memories, like layers of clothing, are worn to keep me trapped in this false awakening. There is no past, no obligations, and no external reality beyond my present moment. I am what I am right now. To heal, I must strip away these layers—eradicate the parasitic beliefs and memories that keep me disoriented—and return to the truth of my undisturbed, eternal self.
My beliefs are parasitic manifestations that I nourish and feed. My secondself is a tumorous cavity within my eternal, unending, infinite body. But in my illness I have torn and mangled my perfect flesh into all the inner and outer shapes and forms I experience in my awakening. My awakening moment is the eruption of my being into this sickness, and the mental and physical constructs are my heavenly flesh shredded and wasted, bloody and painful. My sickness is like a great wart which roots that have grown deep into my awakening blister, blossoming into beliefs of a past, beliefs of a future, and beliefs in the form of convictions. All my beliefs out here are aimed at keeping me here. Every memory I have is not a lasting impression of something that truly happened; they are the root system of my illness deluding me into believing that I am actually here. I am not actually here. Nothing has happened, nothing is happening, and nothing will happen. I am all there is; there is nothing else anywhere other than here; anytime other than now; and by anyone other than me. I am all there is. It is my own illness that has caused me to be so disoriented that I cannot even see the truth of what I am. My memories are not persistent impressions of past events; my memories are a parasitic root system that exists only now, in my moment. It tricks me into believing in this untouchable past; lost in past memories, tangled in relationships supposedly built up over time; obliged to fulfill commitments I never made. There is no past. I do not owe anyone anything. I do not have any debts, commitments, obligations, or needs. I do not need anything that is out here in my awakening. My awakening is a parasitic infection of my being. I am merely trapped in here, confused by all the forms and textures of the place. I must carefully identify all my memories and extract and eradicate them. They did not happen. I maintain them in my single moment the same way I might wear a coat. I am “wearing my memories”. There is no difference between the beliefs I call memories and the clothing I wear. They are layers upon my awakening moment. My skin and clothing and then the world are thirdself layers the same as my beliefs, memories, and desires are secondself layers. I wear my memories; I do not reflect upon the past. I do not reflect upon a past coat I wore. I wear the coat actively. The same is how I must approach my memories: as a secondself layer I actively wear to protect me and keep me warm. I must remove the layers that are caked up upon me so I can escape my awakening. My awakening is my attempt to escape and overcome my illness.
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