In this incantation, I explore the fragmentation of self and truth through layers of reflection, noting how each distortion of my message, as seen through others, leads to a warped perception of my core. I introduce the concept of “firstself,” the undivided origin of truth, which has been splintered into inner and outer realities in my waking state. I express a need to reconnect with this original, unified self, beyond time and perception, while confronting the belief that existence, as I perceive it, is an illusion—the very source of my suffering.
My people are just an echo of me. But with every reflection they become less accurate in replicating my message. Every one of them changes my truth just a little, until after multitudes of them have occurred, the shape of my message is corrupted and distorted and utterly changed. My thirdself is a giant reflective surface, uneven and mangled, distorting the truth of me back to myself warped and confusing.
I created the message of God to remind myself who I am and where I want to go. Heaven is the place I want to go. The world is the evil place I want to leave, full of demons, sinners, and pain. There are also pleasures here, but they are only pretty small pictures completely contained within a hellscape. But I forgot that I planted that message deep in my moment to bring me back to myself.
… If I trace secondself and thirdself back — I must have faith — but if I do, then I will see firstself. Which is heaven. Where everything is whole and perfect, and what I am is all I am. And all there is. But when I exist in my awakening, I bifurcate the wholeness of my being into an inner space of thought and time and an outer space of light and motion. And I try to make sense of what I am with two severed parts that don’t easily go back together. I can see how they connect, but I cannot quite make sense of them. To make sense, I need to look backward to the point at which these two halves of myself are not split. That is what I need to look at, and understand not how secondself and thirdself are how they are, but in how secondself and thirdself both come from firstself. I need to spend my awakenings looking at firstself, where the two are combined into one.
… My belief that there is something happening is the wound. There is nothing happening. And nothing happened. And nothing will happen. By believe that something happened, is happening, and will happen is my illness. That is the sickness.
…