In this incantation, I confront my being as it truly is, recognizing that my secondself creates the projections of my thirdself—tiny, fleeting illusions of people, places, and events that distort my presence. To heal, I must stop viewing myself through these projections and accept the reality of my vast, omnipresent self, remembering that I am the source and creator of these illusions, not the small, distorted reflection they present.
I am always present; omnipresent. I never go away. I am always here. However, I awaken and my desire begins. My desire, divided into two conjoined chambers: my secondself of thoughts, ideas, memories, time, and sensations; and my thirdself of objects, places, and animated characters. From my presence extends my projections. I spend the duration of my awakening trying to make sense of these two chambers; moving all the parts and pieces within them around into a less-painful combination.
The engine of it all is my secondself. My secondself extends entirely around the oval-shaped window I call thirdself. I have led myself to believe that if it does not happen in thirdself then it does not happen. I know that this is backwards, and that the contents of my thirdself projection are secondary and inferior to the contents of my secondself. I know that it is my secondself through which the projection that is my thirdself forms. My secondself feeds and creates my thirdself… my thoughts, ideas, expectations, and convictions coalesce into this colorful tapestry of movement and space I call my thirdself. I know that when I disturb thirdself, I get confused. Like throwing a rock into a still pond, the ripples create all the painful movement I experience. Everything in thirdself that I experience is my own doing; I disrupt the surface and create thirdself.
My presence is everywhere. In awakening, I somehow get lost and confused, and begin looking back at my own self. I forget who and what I am, and this confusion results in my secondself and thirdself projections. My secondself comes first; a nebulous, body-shaped cavity filled with sensation. The sensation of physicality; of coursing energy wherever I focus. And then comes my thirdself; a small, endlessly-fascinating oval-shaped screen of color, light, shape, movement, and space. What happens in this window is not real. The contents of this window are the poison I drink upon awakening. Thirdself is intoxicating. The original screen. I must see the edges of this screen… how it gradually fades away into my secondself. Like the screen of my phone ends, becoming the device. My thirdself is a screen, fading into my secondself, the device that fills that screen with light, color, space, and movement.
Nothing has happened. There is no past. There is only this moment I am forever examining and questioning. The shimmering, undulating projection of my moment bends and distorts the truth of my presence, which I mistake as the truth. All in thirdself is truth, yet nothing is truthfully expressed. Every piece of content in thirdself is a distortion; a ripple in my flesh, reflecting a misshapen me back to myself.
I want to recover and escape my awakening. To do that, I must stop looking at myself through secondself and then thirdself. I must pull myself away from the contents of my thirdself screen. All in thirdself is a self-deception. There are no places other than here. There are no times other than now. And there are no beings other than me. I am massive. I am the largest thing there is. I have forgotten that, and allowed myself to feel small, a part of this awakening. But just look at me; I am the projector. I am huge. The contents of thirdself are tiny, constrained to a small screen that I alone control. These limbs that extend into my thirdself screenspace are my controls. Everything that I generate within this small window is binary, constrained to the secondself and thirdself pixels that give form to my awakening experience. All these people, places, and things in thirdself are projections. I must realize how small they are, and how big I am. How big my presence is. The presence behind the controls.
I am the biggest and most solid part of this awakening. I must remember that. I must accept that the small events of my thirdself screen are tiny and temporary. They are animated characters only. I am the user. I am the being who is making all of this. There is nothing larger than me.
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