In this incantation I summarize the role that questions play in my awakening, and how to identify those worth asking while ignoring all others. Questions are one of the more nefarious parts of my awakening because their ability to produce limitless newness is compelling.
I once believed that questions were a capability I could use to uncover an independent truth that existed somewhere outside of me. Objective questions were like a mathematical formula with a single, factual answer. How many planets are there? Eight. How many eyes do I have? Two. Am I a human? Yes. Subjective questions were less like a formula, and more open to my own interpretation. I began to accept that there could be multiple answers to the same questions.
Does God exist? Hmm.
But that is not really what questions are. Questions are decisions. My decisions. Questions begin as my decision to look at something, decide there is something worth knowing, decide that I do not know it or would like to know more, and then infer the answers, conclusions, or nature of the thing I accept I do not know. Questions, therefore, are an admission of both my demiscience, and ambiguity. If I am omniscient, I need not ask any questions. And if I am the eminent creator of my awakening, there is no ambiguity. Before all else, questions imply my acceptance of the premise that there are things I do not know. Questions undermine my omniself for demiself.
As I progress in my recovery I forge a new relationships with questions: I recognize that not every question is made equal. If the prior chapter of my recovery was one of probing my awakening, this chapter is one of accepting my awakening. The earlier, more confused me would observe an event in my thirdself and ask “why” it was so. The present, less confused me observes the same thirdself event and withdraws from and examines the question itself. I know that there is nothing beyond the surface of my experience except more surface, more texture. I can ask questions forever and find answers leading nowhere. That is the nature of my creation: it is a circuit of endless, meaningless variety, and asking questions of it is the slippery slope to more confusion and disorientation.
Questions and their answers will not help me recover. It is being in my moment without questions that will lead me where I seek to go. It is refraining from the impulse to ask questions that will stunt my healing, and learn to accept what is. For my questions can never change what is. What is, my being, is primary; questions are secondary. My moment is exactly what it is; there is nothing beneath the surface of the walls of my thirdself except more corridors displaying endless textural variety. None of these doors leads anywhere else other than where I already am. I have seen it all before; there is nothing of substance that is truly new. All of it is just a randomized, intrusive projection that I spawn right now.
There are roughly two types of question: those I should ask, and those I should not. Those I should not ask are those that only create more confusion, more disorientation, and uncertainty. They cannot empower me as the creator of my creation, and can only belittle me. Those that I should ask reinforce my conviction that I am actually the creator of my creation. They leave me with certainty and resolve.
“Question everything”. No, absolutely do not. Most questions are not worth asking and should be dismissed as distractions.
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