My awakening is a painful explosion outward, during which the flesh of my being is blown onto the interior walls of my being. There are two major explosions – that which creates thirdself and its physical space, change, color, light, and creators. And that which creates secondself and its mental and emotional space, ideas, concept of time, aspirations, desires, and bodily sensations. These cavities form when I explode (i.e., awaken), and recede when I implode (i.e., asleepen).
These two cavities are connected where my secondself sensations accumulate behind a vessel I call my “body” in thirdself. On one side are the invisible but sensational feelings, and on the other side is a visible surface that seems to exist in a larger space. The two cavities are fused together through this body layer. The body layer which separates my inner secondself and outer thirdself has two major sections: the skin layer, and the eye layer. The skin layer responds to apparent movement within thirdself, which I sense in secondself as feeling. The eye layer is the most stimulating of all, and opens into an oval-shaped screen filled with color, light, movement, depth, and change.
The more time I spend inside these cavities, the more familiar they become, and the more I forget who I am and where I am before I awaken into the cavity. I am the creator of the cavities; I am the being within whom the cavities have formed. The cavities are a painful infection inside my true being, but I am drawn into them and have come to believe that I am a person within the cavities as opposed to the creator of and being infected by the cavities.
What do I do? I have to suffocate and abolish the cavities. I have already began that process with the thirdself cavity; I awaken into a darkened space and do not manifest the wider outside. Instead, I constrain the thirdself explosion to a small, unremarkable space with very little happening. However, this suppression of my thirdself has created an enormously rich and active secondself space of ideas, planning, and creativity. I must take the same action in secondself as thirdself, and ritualize constraint. Just as I awaken into a limited physical space, I must also awaken into a limited mental, emotional, sensational, and aspirational space. Just as I move less thirdself, I must move less in secondself. I must think less, feel less, want less, and believe less.
Cavity restraint is a matter of suppressing content when I awaken across all my experiential channels. In thirdself, simple dark curtains suffice to stifle my manifestation of a larger physical space. In secondself I must create comparable mental, emotional, and aspirational curtains that suppress and restrain my thoughts and other “inner” sensations. Once I have attained a degree of awakening suppression, I will naturally detach and withdraw from my personal identity that I cling to in order to navigate my awakening.
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