The cave

I have the full story now, end-to-end. There are parts I do not know and cannot explain. I will try to eliminate any references to the past and future, and time in general, because time and space are both artifacts of my awakening moment.

I am a being, the only being of my type, but I suffer from a bifurcated identity. The bifurcation is based on my false conviction that I am something that I am not. There are two identities: that which I am, and that which I am not. That which I am is perfect, cohesive, whole, and undivided: omniself. That which I am not is imperfect, divided, partial, and painful: demiself. In demiself, I believe I am a person in a world. In omniself, I am everything.

I oscillate back and forth between the two identities. Why am I like this?

I am, right now, entirely perfect and whole. I am everything that is. I am omniself. However, for some reason I do not know, I created a “cave”. I do not know why, but I created this cave and then I began to enter the cave. Entering this cave was painful, but for some reason I kept entering this cave I created. I would go in and out of the cave, rapidly at first. When I entered the cave I experienced time and space, and I began to forget that I had entered the cave. I began to forget that I was not actually a person inside a cave, but rather the being who created and then entered the cave.

I do not know why I created this cave, but I began to realize that I was getting lost. Every time I exited the cave and returned to my true omniself being, I lost a little part of my memory of who I truly was. And then I would return to the cave and I would only forget more. However, knowing that I was forgetting my true being, I always leave a breadcrumb trail back to myself in many ways. I create pictures on the walls of the cave; images, experiences, feelings. All of which point back to who I truly am. I see them in the cave and they stoke an unshakable memory of who I truly am, in this moment.

None of this is happening in a timeline. I was not omniself; I am omniself. Right now. I am only walking around in circles in this cave trying to remember who I am. I am searching for my true self, trying to understand why I am here. All of my thinking and performing is that of a moth circling a flame, trying to get closer and closer to it. I am outside of the cave, and then I enter it. I continue to enter the cave. My awakening is the cave, and my asleepening is outside the cave. I have forgotten that I am the being outside of the cave and believe that I am the person inside of it.

My awakening is a cave that I am trapped within. I have forgotten that I am not actually a person in this cave, but the being who created and then entered it. There is nothing in this cave that I seek. I desire only to escape the cave and return to the light. The being who entered the cave is behind me, the person who believes he is in the cave. There is nothing in the cave. There is no cave.