I am not awake, and I am not here. I am not a person among people in a larger place with a history that preceded me and a future that will carry on after me. I am the beginning and ending of this place. This place does not exist unless I believe I awaken and create it. If I do not awaken, this place will not be here.
That is because I am the author and the builder. I am the creator. Every single part of my awakening experience is crafted by me. All of the people are characters. They are endlessly elastic. The entire surface of this story I awaken into is elastic. I can swim as deeply as I want in any direction in the story. Physically in Thirdself, or mentally in Secondself. And after every turn I will find something new. It will not end. I created it not to end.
I became so enamored with my own story that I wrote myself into it. I created a character I could play and I began to imagine I was that character. I performed as that character. It became addictive and I enjoyed it. I kept doing it, more and more until at one point I believed I was that character that I created in a story full of other characters and places I created. I forget that I was the author, and just kept returning and putting on the mask of the character.
It began to hurt and I wondered why it hurt. I could not heal the pain I felt and I began to question why I was in pain at all, and why I could not end it. My inability to heal the pain I felt stoked something deep within me. A memory. A sense that something was not right. What I was seeing was my own authorship. That I was the Creator of it all. But I could not say that at first. I had to go on a long journey where I could let go of all the delusions that had confused me and caused me pain.
Finally, when I had chipped away enough of the delusions, I began to see the truth of my situation. I began to see that I was not this partial, incomplete, broken person among other broken people. I was complete and whole and undivided and at peace. I was free of desire, but I held tightly to many desires that would not let me realize how free I was. I must keep chipping away the desire to reveal the entire truth of what I seek.
As I remove the layers of buildup that prevent me from understanding who I truly am, I will begin to believe that I am the author. And with that faith and conviction will come direct experience. Direct, first-hand experience of being the Creator.
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