For the past year or more I have been representing Triself with the “aswaswas” diagram. The aswaswas is an acronym for “a space within a space within a space”, and is drawn as three circles, representing Firstself as the largest container of Secondself which in turn contains Thirdself. However, upon re-inspection I accept that this does not accurately capture my experience for several reasons. Primarily:
The aswaswas implies that there is a layer — however thin — of Secondself separating Thirdself from Firstself. I cannot validate this.
So what is the more accurate model? It is one I have already discovered and used: the “sonsot”. The sonsot is an acronym for “self of now self of time”, and while I do not like that name anymore, the structure of it more accurately reflects the anatomy of my awakening than the aswaswas.
Even going back to the serpentine swirls of the Conceptual and Perceptual makes the most sense. In my updated version of the sonsot I will change the name and decrease the complexity, but I will revive it for it does better represent my actual awakening experience.
Why? Since I cannot validate my Secondself forming a layer behind my Thirdself (as depicted at the very top of the aswaswas diagram), It makes sense to remove that from my description. And while Thirdself is constrained to a sac “in front of me”, Secondself is similarly constrained to a sack “behind me”. I cannot in any way validate that the Secondself sack behind me encapsulates the Thirdself sack in front of me. They have their own position within the space of my being: one in front, and one in back.
Where does that leave Firstself? Firstself is the sheath that enshrouds both Secondself and Thirdself. It is infinite and unmeasurable by the implements of either Secondself or Thirdself. I cannot measure or Firstself
I can think of Firstself as what lies just beyond or behind the projections of my Secondself and Thirdself. It is the surface upon which I project Secondself and Thirdself. It is the structure behind and under them. It is my moment that provides the structure for my Secondself and Thirdself. What is Firstself composed of? Firstself is my beingness and my moment. Firstself is that I am. That I exist.
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