November 16, 2021
I experience my existence as the repeated oscillation between two shapes. My first shape is the timeless, spaceless peace I experience when I sleep. My second shape is the period that begins when I awaken and ends when I asleepen.
My first shape is my true nature, while my second shape is an illness I experience as an endless pursuit of relief from various pains. The relief I pursue while in my second shape will never deliver the peace I seek, which I can only find by returning to my first shape.
While in my second shape, I can see my first shape in two ways. With my eyes open, the first shape has receded to a point of “awareness” in my head, behind my eyes. With my eyes closed, the point opens up into an endless dark space which fully envelops me. I have misunderstood both of these sensations my entire life.
To overcome my illness I must understand and believe who I am. With conviction, my values and then desire will shift from the reliefs of my second shape to the peace of my first shape.
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