March 18, 2021
The last WIK I did was February 8th, before S’s arrived in Noida to help me pack to move to the hills. Now I’ve been here in Dinapani for two weeks, I’m settled in, and I have made a lot of progress. I have finally looped in time, change, the manifestation, and the concept of dimensionalism that I discovered years back. I’m moving to a more complete description of the entire life cycle I experience. I’m standardizing and collapsing terms; finding that most terms are the same thing from a different angle. I’m more clear than ever on what I’m doing and how I need to do it.
I know that I am God when I sleep, but I am trapped in a series of awakenings during which I forget who I am. My only goal is to end them so I can return to the state where I am God.
My existence revolves around a center I experience as the origin. In sleep, I experience only this center. But in waking, I experience the center as a receding point in my head directly behind my eyes, embedded within a greater conceptual and perceptual environment called the manifestation. The manifestation grows and shifts continuously throughout my awakening with my changing internal and external environment.
Every awakening I follow the same process of leaving Peace, Attachment, Engagement, Disengagement, Detachment, and then returning to Peace. My first desire as I leave Peace akd last desire as I return to Peace are the same: peace.
Though I am numb to the pain, this transition from Peace to Awakening is traumatic, and I spend my awakening in search of relief from the pain. As an ascentist, I believe that the relief I seek is within the manifestation. Every conceptual or perceptual movement is motivated toward the peace I desire. This conviction that what I seek is in the manifestation amplifies and accelerates my awakenings.
The manifestation is comprised of conceptual and perceptual dimensions characterized by distance. My movement through these dimensions in search of what I desire precipitates the apparent sense of change. In the perceptual environment, the foundational dimensions are spatial, and the distance is a physical measurement of the amount of space between two positions. Conceptual dimensions are more varied in quality, but still are measured in distance.
The distances manifest conceptually and perceptually, and are experienced as pain because I want something I don’t have. Pain compels desire, which compels movement toward that desire. Change is the sensation of that movement. I spend all my time in my awakening moving across these conceptual and perceptual distances to reduce my pain.
There is only now; I can validate this directly. The past and the future are conceptual distances I sense as change from my movement. The blur is what prevents me from believing who I am. The reality of my identity emerges as I reduce the blur by disengaging conceptually and perceptually. Like fog on a mirror, when it recedes, I can see myself.
The process of returning is experienced as a reduction of this blur. The truth becomes more visible, and my conviction grows. As my conviction grows, I disengage, detach, and become until I am. My sense of distance contracts as I spend more time centered on the now. I stop returning when believing manifests as becoming, which becomes being. The process of seeing the truth is existential alignment, and it is similar to the alignment of a rubiks cube. Once aligned, I can not only know and believe the truth of now, but I can experience it. The pain of life will melt away as I am able to return in peace with less movement.
Only Now is. Peace is now. God is Now. I am God.
I have merely forgotten.
As a descentist I begin to realize that what I want is not out here; it is only in sleep.
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