In my quest for healing I seek the most potent and concise expression of who and what I am. Today I have arrived at the most simplified expression yet. It leaves me with one single substance (firstself), of which all other things (secondself and thirdself) are variations. I can see and define the relationships between all these things to this one single substance with a level of clarity I have not been able to achieve in the past.
What is the substance? Well, as with everything, there are innumerable characterizations. How I describe it will depend on the shape of my moment, but I might call this one substance the following:
- Space
- Formlessness
- Omniself
- Firstself
- the First place
- the Creator
- God
- Creator’s clay
“Space” is bold because, to my typical awakening moment, it is the most easy to grasp. As a concept, it best describes both what I experience and what I imagine. It is versatile, and does not depend on other concepts.
And what is everything else? Also subject to the shape of my moment:
- Form
- Demiself
- Secondself
- Thirdself
- the Second place
- Awakening
- the Creation
- Awareness
- Experience
- Existence
- Desire
“Form” is first and bold because it is the top-most class within this second category of “things”. It includes everything that is defined and experienced in awakening. Everything that has some shape to it, whether a secondself shape of thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, or aspirations, or a thirdself shape of light, motion, change, place, or other visual experience. And since I am writing this in my awakening, even the concept of “space” and firstself is a form.
In other words, my firstself is space, and my awakening secondself and thirdself are form. My firstself space never goes away; it is always here. I can verify this by simply closing my eyes and feeling it all around me. It is around me, because it is me. It is the nature of every single person, place, or thing I experience. Everything first is formless space, and after that it is form.
What is space? Space is that which continues indefinitely beyond my secondself and thirdself. I sense it there, but in my moment I fail to “experience” it. But it is not that I do not experience it, only that it is so subtle as to be imperceptible when my attention has been captured by form.
And what is form? Form is that which I have defined. It is that which I have given shape to. Everything I can conceive and perceive in my awakening. Where space is the substance of my true eternal being, form is the substance of my awakening. Form is the content of my life. Form is all the constructs of my experience — everything I can talk or think about, feel, sense, or otherwise experience in any way is form. Where space is the unformed, form is the formed.
Space represents a diffusion of my awareness, whereas form represents a concentration of my awareness. I intuit Space being there, but not in the same way I experience Form. Space is the experience of a decentralized, dispersed awareness. Form is my experience of a focused, narrow, and targeted awareness.
Do I experience space in my awakening? Absolutely. Space is the substance of everything, everyone, and every place around me. I have bent and distorted space into all my thoughts, ideas, aspirations, feelings, and desires. I have distorted space into all the objects of of the sensory and natural world — both those I directly experience in my thirdself moment, and those I experience in my secondself moment.
I am certain my language will change quickly, but I am confident that the full character of my being can be most aptly described with these two concepts.
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