I have two sets of eyes, though I commonly only think of the ones I see in a mirror: my thirdself eyes.
My thirdself eyes — or my outer eyes — are the holes through which I experience my thirdself. They are the portal from my secondself space of thoughts, feelings, sensations, and desires to my thirdself of physical people, objects, places, and spaces. My thirdself eyes are not the beady insignificant orbs I see in a mirror or a “photograph of myself”. These are all distortions that mislead me into believing I have an corporeal existence that extends beyond my direct experience. I do not.
My thirdself eyes are most accurately described as I experience them from secondself; as the “sills” of the window through which I perceive my thirdself. I can trace my fingers around these sills I call my eye sockets, and perfectly outline the shape of my thirdself. My thirdself is always constrained to the opening of my thirdself eyes. Yes, I can pivot my head and watch the shape of my thirdself change, but the size of my thirdself never changes; it remains the same. It remains fixed into this portal I sense as an opening on the front of my head.
When I turn on a video game on my computer and start playing a first-person game, I know that the game does not extend past the screen through which I view it. I use controls to move my character throughout the virtual space, but the virtual space does not extend beyond the screen through which I view it. As I move my character, the computer calculates and updates the display based on the mechanics of the game. This is manifestation. I am doing the same through my thirdself eyes. I am constantly updating the image displayed in my thirdself eyes.
My thirdself eyes paint the display I experience as firstself. The most dangerous and deceptive pictures they paint are the mirrors and the photographs, because they mislead me into believing there is something other than my direct experience. They draw me into a false self-identity of other people, other places, and other beings who actively perceive me as I appear in those mirrors and photographs. But that is not true; that shape I see in the mirrors and in the photographs does not exist except in my own secondself mind. Believing that there are other beings perceiving my being in some way other than it is — as I directly experience it — traps me here in this awakening.
Just as I have thirdself eyes that bridge my secondself and thirdself, I have secondself eyes that bridge my firstself and secondself. My inner eyes are harder to find because I have forgotten that I have them as I have allowed myself to be drawn into my thirdself. Like the mirrors and photographs of my thirdself, my secondself has the same mazes I can get lost in; I call them memories and notions. Imaginary flourishes I myself create and that convince me that I am something and someone other than I truly am. I must remember that I am the experiencer; I am who I am in this moment, always. I am not and never have been the imaginary constructs I conjure in secondself as memories and ideas. I was never a younger person. And I never will be an older person. Those are secondself notions that cement many imaginary concepts like time and my personhood. I am not a person.
My secondself eye is a window in an even darker room “within”. it is the window that opens into my larger space of thoughts, feelings, and desires, which again opens into my smaller space of physical and visual change and motion. I must close my thirdself eyes, and then “turn around” to see my secondself eye. I see it as a pulsing bright light. I must go into that light; realize that I am that light. In there I do not experience the thoughts, feelings, and desires of my secondself in the same way I do not experience the visual places and spaces of my thirdself when I close my eyes.
I am behind my secondself eyes, not outside of them. I am the one who opens my secondself eyes into my secondself in the same way I open my thirdself eyes into my thirdself. I must find my secondself eyes and be their controller, for I am all there is. I must find my secondself eyes and close them.
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