My moment is my true location. My true identity. My authentic nature. I might say that my moment is the center of my being, but that would imply that there is something outside and beyond my center when there is not. There is nothing beyond my moment, however there is the sensation that there is driven my a deep misunderstanding.
My misunderstanding is best understood when my eyes are open. I look into a relatively small window I sense in front of me, that I call my visual field. Everywhere I look, in all directions, I see additional space and objects. I believe I am inside this larger, infinite space full of people, places, and things (i.e., my thirdself). I quickly forget that I am “looking into an oval-shaped portal”, and this vast space I sense is always constrained to this portal. Yes, I can move my head around in any direction and there is always more. Yet it is always painted upon the same oval-shaped portal displayed “in front of me”. When I see things, I then imagine their past and future; I imagine more happening than I experience right now in this moment.
I can see my moment better by closing my eyes and coming to terms with what I actually experience. I close my eyes and strive to distinguish between what actually is, and what is merely imaginary. I will struggle with this, because even when my eyes are closed, my mind (i.e., my secondself) continues, knowing full well that I will again open my eyes and restore the world I have left. My mind’s favorite trick is the confident declaration that there is a reality other than mine. That other beings are experiencing something different than me, and my experience of reality is partial and insignificant.
This is the first self-deception. If I believe that there are other beings experiencing other things, then I roll over and accept that I can never and will never know everything because I can never and will never directly experience and know what these “other beings” are experiencing. Eyes closed, I must imagine that I am the only being capable of experiencing the way that I do. A true understanding of my moment lies behind this door; without going through this door I will not find my moment. Once I open this door, I can begin to see where my moment is.
My moment is right here, right now. My moment is me, and everything on the horizons of the physical space I sense around me and within my mind is a distortion of my moment. It is still my moment, but it is my moment in movement. My moment in conflict. My moment writhing in agony. My moment seeking the peace and balance of itself. My moment seeking recognition that it — and Me — are all there is. My moment is right here, right now. It is Me. All the thoughts, feelings and desires I have are attached to the “outer world” of misunderstanding. My thoughts, feelings, and desires are attached to physical flourishes painted on the oval-shaped portal in front of me. As long as I believe that I what I seek is in that dynamic painting I manifest upon opening my eyes, I will fail to remember what what I truly desire, which is who I truly am.
My moment is right here, all around me. I am my moment. I close my eyes and disarm my secondself mind of any movement, render it as still as my thirdself. That is me. That is my moment. It is always here.
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