My existence is a series of painful, unwanted awakenings into this place I call life.
What is my awakening? Awakening is a series of nested cycles, starting with the cycle of waking up itself from a state of peace. Upon waking, all my other physical, mental, and emotional cycles manifest until I have revived my familiar self.
My awakenings are an illness. And my core desire for peace — to not exist — is no different from the desire of any patient who is ill. I want to get better. I want the pain to go away. I want to be myself again.
But what does better look like? The healthy state I seek is to not awaken.
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