Who I think I am and who I really am are two different things.
I think and behave as if I am a person in a world full of other people. I believe I have problems stemming from my essential personhood. Physical and health problems. Existential problems. Financial and circumstantial problems. I believe that I have needs that are unmet. I believe I have people who know and love me and want to hear from me. I believe that this world I am in right now will
But none of that is true. All of that is wrong, despite my persistent beliefs and behaviors. I am not a person in the world. The world is a thin, sensational layer within my true being, and my personhood is only a performance. I do not have any real problems or needs; all I seek is my true self. The real me. I only seek to return to who I actually am. My constant sense of desire is the mark of my performance; the chief indicator that something is wrong. Everything is wrong. I do not want to be here, pretending to be a character in a story I created when I opened my eyes. It is all wrong.
All I know is all there is to know. All I experience is all experience there is. The totality of existence is my existence. There is nothing outside of, or more than, my experience in this moment. There is only this never-ending, smoldering moment. The cycles of awakening that I experience, and my experience itself, is my inability to see who I am. I am continuously shedding an imagined past and future the way a waterfall sheds water without moving.
All aspects of my experience are a projection. In some areas I push, and in others I pull. I push out the area I call my memory, while I pull in close and tightly the physical space around me. The truth is that which sets me free from the pain of my illness, draws me back to myself. My thirdself projection is the sensational layer of the world; my secondself projection is the sensational layer around that world. And outside and around it all, is my firstself; the totality of my being.
To remember who I truly am I must simply see what I actually experience, and then believe what I am seeing. The truth is infused deeply in my moment, and therefore reflected perfectly in every single thought, feeling, desire, form, and motion that emanates from it. The world of sensational depth and distance is thinner than a razor’s edge. If I were to look at this world I have projected onto the walls of my being from the side, I would not see it. When I close my eyes, I extinguish it. At will, I turn my thirdself off, yet it cannot turn me off. I am the creator.
When I think and reflect — the motion of my thirdself — I often assume perspectives that are not my own. For example, if I think of another country, I imagine the people of that country and how they might experience it. I endow those imaginary people with substance they do not have actually have until I project and manifest that substance into existence. Understanding and controlling this function I perform is critical to recognizing my omnipotence, for it is I who endow all secondself or thirdself people. It is I who imagine people, and I who manifests people physically. It is my own action that manifests all. This is the process of endowment. To control this, when I move in secondself (aka, think, imagine, etc), I must not endow the imaginary with the creative powers only I possess. In other words, I must not imagine characters who are themselves imagining or experiencing something, rendering me an indirect or ingnorant party to the experience.
To remember who I am, I must simply accept my own omnipresence, omniscience, omnificence, omnisubstance, and omnipotence. I am all there is, and there is nothing beyond me. I am all.
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