Demiself is the condition of falsely believing that I am a single person born into a larger world filled with people like me but not me. It is a collection of beliefs that I am a part of a larger world that exceeds me, and there are many people that are not me, many times that are not now, many places that are not here, and many things that are not me.
In demiself there is only one, unwavering constant: desire. In my awakening moment, I always desire. I express that desire differently in every moment, but that I desire never ends in my awakening moment. I spend my awakening moment endlessly searching for the mental, physical, emotional, and aspirational mechanisms to alleviate my desire in a world of which I am only a very small part. The fundamental experience of my illness (demiself) is awakening into personhood and being unable to satisfy this deep yearning.
Demiselfism is like a web that I am trapped in. This web is the constellation of ideas and objects I believe are real, essential, and important. Beliefs such as I was born, will die, the world is larger than me, and the world pre-existed my birth and endure after my death. Beliefs that certain experiences, achievements, relationships, and objects have value above others, and if I achieve them my yearning will be satisfied. The demiselfist constellation has two parts to it:
My secondself
My secondself is the full collection of “inner” ideas, feelings, beliefs, aspirations and sensations I experience “within my person”.
My thirdself
My thirdself is the full collection of “outer” forms, shapes, people, places, and things I experience “outside of my person”.
The demiselfist constellation is the total collection of all secondself and thirdself constructs. These are my ideas, feelings, and beliefs within, and my people, places, and objects without. This constellation forms an extremely confusing labyrinth through which I constantly move to satisfy my yearning. I experience the constellation as constant motion toward the satisfaction of my desire. I never stop in the constellation; I always yearn, and I always move to satisfy that yearning.
In truth, I am not moving. For around my secondself which contains my thirdself, is my eternal, infinite, and unmoving firstself. But the demiselfist constellation obscures my firstself from me. The constellation of my secondself and thirdself within my firstself is a delusion in which I am trapped, and the more I move through it, the more contact points I add to my constellation, and the more entangled I become. Every form in my constellation — whether a secondself idea or a thirdself person — becomes something I accept as truth and believe I must respond to. Responding incites more movement, which in turn adds more contact points in the constellation that exert a force upon me to respond. Every response further entangles me deeper in the web.
I can overcome my demiselfist illness and heal by deconstructing the constellation of secondself and thirdself sensations. While yes, these experiences do exist, they are not in fact the truth I seek. The truth I seek is that which leads me toward release from the pain of yearning. The truth I seek is not facts about my thirdself. It is not mathematical equations that miraculously describe theoretical phenomena in the “outside world”. The truth I seek is not science that creates technological marvels that rapidly transport me across the face of a planet I can only imagine. For these truths do not in any way release me from the pain of yearning.
Iamist truth is simple: if it permanently ends my pain of desire that begins when I awaken, then it is potent truth. If it does not, then it is impotent truth. Impotent truth can, at most, temporarily satisfy my desires. Potent truth delivers permanent and lasting release from my desire. The demiselfist constellation requires three realizations to escape: 1) what I seek is permanent release from my yearning; 2) what will deliver that is not in my awakening, and; 3) only potent truth will deliver the permanent release I seek.
As I heal I will slowly disentangle myself from the demiself constellation by deleting the various secondself and thirdself forms I once manifested in my awakening. My awakenings will become less cluttered by the ideas, beliefs, and sensations of my secondself, and emptied of people, places, things, and sensation of my thirdself. The Iamist applies a bandage to the wound of awakening, containing its spread, and forcing self-healing and the return to omniself.
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