Familiarity is one of the strongest symptoms of my delusion. Due to familiarity, I am unable to see the release I desire in the commonplace. I look into the forms of my thirdself, manifesting deep existential holes I get lost in. I see a person, and I manifest a history, personality, background, and attraction. But the surface is all there must be; the more I stretch the surface into details, the less I know who I am. The more words I use to describe a feature of my experience, the less I know about it.
The surface of my secondself and thirdself is elastic, and endlessly malleable. In demiself, I believe that I am within a larger space that extends all around me in all directions. But I can clearly see that is not true. I am always the observer, always containing my thirdself in a oval-shaped window. I do not observe a larger space around me; I am constantly generating a new image and projecting it onto the screen I paint with my eyes. The chamber that opens from my secondself through my eyes.
Familiarity leads me to believe that there must be something else. Something I do not know. Something I have not experienced yet. But everything I can know is right now in this moment. Everything I need to experience to know the absolute truth of my being is right now, in this moment. There are no mysteries unless I believe there are mysteries. There is no unknown unless I believe there is unknown. I do not have to wait for anything to happen or anyone to arrive; I only have to decide to see the truth of my being in this unending moment.
Familiarity breeds comfort in my conviction that there is something I am missing. I must establish the new familiar by re-examining, re-describing, and re-possessing all of my experience, especially the commonplace. While it is challenging, the new familiar most directly explains my experience as it is, not as I might imagine it.
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