May 30, 2022. Before this post, I used the word “uniself” to refer to my state of identifying as a single person among others. In this post, I have officially replaced the word “uniself” with “demiself”, which is a more accurate description of the state.
If contemplation is the intellectual search for answers, then meditation is the way I experience the answers I have found. Simply closing my eyes with the intent to experience my understanding transforms meditation from a relaxing exercise into a practical learning lesson. Selfist meditation is a devotional state in which I remember who I am and seek to existentially align through triself.
Without an understanding achieved through contemplation, my meditation is constantly disturbed by my wandering secondself mind. But with the understanding of what I seek and who I truly am (my Being), intentional meditation gives me a space to experience my moment. Meditation is more than relaxation and centering; it is the practice of being who I am.
When I enter meditation as a selfist, the answers I have found in my contemplations become my defense against my wandering mind. Answers allow me to combat and overcome the distractions and intrusions into my moment so I can Be. The more accurate the answers I have found in contemplating, the more effective they are in securing my moment when I meditate.
Selfist meditation is directed and purposeful. It is the game for which I have been practicing through contemplation.
Phase 1 – Demiself: Preparation and intention
Upon awakening I emanate inward, inflating my second and thirdself. They consume my awareness and I stop being and start becoming. I enter the realm of time, objects, places, things, and action. The realm of desire. Meditation is the process of returning to myself in awakening. I prepare for meditation in the following ways:
- Understand demiself. I am aware that I imagine myself as one being among many others; a single example of a category of beings called humans. I understand that this is all imaginary, and cannot be validated.
- Create my sanctuary. I constrain my second and thirdselves by moving to my cell, covering my eyes and my ears. I use near-focus prayer and incantation to withdraw from demiself and my thirdself.
- Understand my original desire. I enter meditation purposefully: I seek recovery from the illness of awakening. I seek existential alignment.
- Understand my awakening. My awakening is an illness that emanates within me as a moment of people, places, and things within a layer of thoughts, feelings, desires, and sensations. It is very simple, and I focus on that simplicity.
Phase 2 – Triself: Entering and centering
The purpose of meditation is to withdraw from my thirdself back into my secondself. And then from my secondself, back into my firstself. My wandering mind will impede me every step of the way, hiding my true being with every interruption.
- Visualize triself. I close my eyes and trace the outlines of the oval window where the world is displayed. The sensations of my secondself remain and ring the frame wherein my thirdself happens.
- My experience is the basis of truth. Understand that my direct experience is the basis of truth, and the only way forward to knowing. As long as I believe things I cannot directly experience or validate, I will be my diminished demiself.
- Understand my wandering secondself. The intrusions into my meditation are constant and increase with intensity
- Release my secondself. My secondself is only persistent with movement. I feel, think, sense until I stop moving. It is in movement that my thirdself and secondself are present. When I center and align, they disappear. Once I stop moving, I withdraw from my secondself and allow myself to transition to omniself.
Phase 3 – Omniself: Revelation and being
There is only my moment. Time, movement, and change are an artifact of my lost and sick demiself. In selfist meditation, I withdraw from demiself into triself, with the intent of experiencing omniself.
- Experience my omnipresence. I do not move. I have never moved. The movement is the illness that I seek to end.
- Experience my omniscience. There is nothing to know, nor is there anything I do not know. My knowing becomes my being.
- Experience my omnificence. It is me who opened my eyes. It is me who woke up. This world begins and ends with me because I am its author. I am not of it. I am not in it. It is within Me.
- Experience my omniself. I am existence.
Selfist meditation is the intentional transformation of my moment from demiself to omniself through triself. Triself is the transitional phase through which I can understand my illness, and meaningful selfist meditation cannot happen until I can withdraw from demiself into triself. Then I can use triself to reach for omniself.
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