An effective incantation is one that draws me outward from my inessential becoming and into my essential being. In other words, from second and thirdself to firstself awareness. My incantations are most effective when they reduce and simplify because they allow me to constrain my inward emanation and concentrate my awareness in my moment.
I close my eyes. This is “where” I want to be. This is the peace I seek; the release from the painful desire that consumes me in awakening. I concentrate until I realize that this is what I search for. This is who I actually am. I forget the room that I am in, the people I know, and all of my obligations, responsibilities, and desires for worldly gain. This is my authentic, true self, and if I could close my eyes and remain forever I would have the release I seek.
But I cannot remain here because I am ill. Thoughts begin to enter my head. Imagined memories from the past, regrets, aspirations, and imaginary scenes that never happened. Bodily sensations begin: an itchy nose, an uncomfortable sitting position, distracting noises, and finally the pangs of thirst and hunger. Boredom arrives, and I seek distraction with body movement and fantasy. Responsibilities enter: I have things to do.
With my eyes closed, I see how my illness manifests. These are all of its tendrils luring me away from the release I seek. In secondself, they take the form of thoughts, ideas, feelings, sensations, obligations, and distractions. They obstruct me from getting, having, and being what I want and who I am: the fixed, unmoving constant I have ignored my entire life.
Now I understand the secondself forms that intrude upon my peace when I close my eyes. I open my eyes, and what was before confusing, is now clear. All my thirdself forms I see, hear, touch, taste, and feel, are an extension of my secondself forms I think, imagine, sense, desire, and fear. My secondself forms are the roots, and my thirdself forms are the trunk, branches, and leaves that grow from them. Their essential unity is clear to me.
Like the secondself forms that flit about like mosquitos, drawing me away from the peace I seek, my thirdself forms do the same. People demand relationships. Possessions demand to be had. Places demand to be visited. Experiences demand to be experienced. Achievements demand to be achieved. Food demands to be eaten. Stories demand to be understood. Opinions demand to be formed and exercised. My body demands to be maintained, comforted, and pleasured.
All second and thirdself forms are demands, drawing me away from the peace I truly seek. They operate together as one unified force that compels my emanation. Like water seeking to pool, every unit of energy I give to these demands is a root bonding me to my awakening. My recovery requires me to understand, resist, and destroy my emanation.
At the beginning of every thought, idea, and feeling in my secondself, and every person, place, and thing in my thirdself, is the same desire, and the belief that leads me to pursue it. Attained, any desire rooted in my second or thirdself can only provide relief, nothing more. It is release I seek. Permanent, lasting peace. I can close my eyes and see what I seek as clearly as I can see the distorting force that prevents me from achieving it.
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