In the selfist model, there is only one being, and I am that being. But I am ill, and have forgotten that I am the being. I experience my illness in two stages:
- The uniselfist stage. I am completely unaware of who I am, and I believe that I am just one of many beings, past and present.
- The triselfist stage. I begin to realize who I am, and how my awakening works.
My awakenings manifest in three experiential layers:
- My thirdself. The wider conceived and perceived “outer” world, emanating outward from my physical body to the furthest extents of my perception.
- My secondself. My familiar inner “self” comprising my thoughts, aspirations, emotions, and and sensations.
- My firstself. My true being, which I experience in sleep, and in awakening as the point of awareness.
My illness begins with my awakening here, and solidifies and worsens with my conviction that I am actually here. Believing that I am a person in this world is accepting the illusion as reality. There is only now, this moment. The belief that I have been repeatedly awakening here since my birth is a stubborn delusion. My conviction is so deep, that I cannot believe my actual experience, which reveals the truth as it is.
Every awakening provides me the full range of my experience such that I do not need to imagine my past or future to make sense of who I am. I only need to believe what I see right now, at this moment. To heal my illness, I need only look away from my thirdself, and toward my omni-present firstself, and believe what I see.
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