I can plot my second place on a standard bell curve. The defining aspect of my second place experience is my awareness of who I am, which I express as “conviction”. My conviction is a spectrum ranging from full awareness and being who I am, to complete ignorance of the same and being lost.
I can visualize my second shape and the eight distinct phases in terms of a bell curve. Below the curve is a visual representation of my retreating and then advancing conviction.
Though a bell curve implies otherwise, I must remember that my second shape is not a linear sequence of events unfolding over a timeline. Instead, it is a single continuous state that shimmers with my conviction. At any moment, the totality of my second shape is the constellation of my inner forms and performances (memories, ideas, desires, etc), combined with my outer forms and performances (physical environment, movements, etc).
The accumulation and proliferation of inner and outer forms and performances gives rise to the texture of my second place experience. I can more accurately visualize my second place journey with a circular diagra, using the same notation to indicate my conviction.
There are eight distinct phases within my second place experience:
Aspect 0-1: This is my fall, which I experience every day as losing my first shape and awakening into my second shape. In awakening, I believe and accept that I am my second shape and I cannot simply go back to sleep, as much as I would like to.
Aspect 1-2: This is my aspect of narrative construction in which I manifest inner and outer forms and performances which reinforce my second shape. This is the aspect of my second place self that most strongly believes that I am in this world.
Aspect 2-3: This is the aspect of my second place self in which I question my nature and develop my resolve to figure it out. Indulging this aspect will counter aspect 1-2.
Aspect 3-4: This is the aspect where I lean on my resolve to build my conviction. I systematically question and deconstruct the forms and performances of my inner constellation, experiencing a high degree of stability and calm as I begin my descent.
Aspect 4-8: Post Aspect 4, I begin to experience true demanifestation. My only desire is to return to the first place.
I do not proceed along in a linear path. Instead, I am, at every moment, the summation of all these aspects. Where I focus is what aspect dominates my existence.
The phases are like all the parts and pieces of a body, coming together to create my body and self. Where I focus is what I am. If I spend my time in the gym, I gain physical strength at the expense of other attributes. The same goes for my existential body. If I spend all of my time focusing on my 1-2 aspect, then I will continue to believe I am one of billions of people temporarily observing a minute fraction of a massive universe.
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