I experience my awakenings as a point of awareness that projects outward into a physical environment, and inward into a mental and emotional environment. These inward and outward projections intersect at the essential. Understanding and aligning them is key to my descent.
A characteristic of the outer projection is that I can only experience the one that I am in. If I am in my bedroom, then my experience of my outer projection will be my bedroom.
My inner projection has no such limits. I am able to inwardly project and experience anything. The relationship between my inner and outer projections is important, and as I become more aware of my fluctuating state in my awakening, I observe two distinct states:
A state where my inner and outer projections align. In this state, my inner projections closely reflect my outer projections. If I my outer projection is me sitting in my bedroom, then my inner projections are constrained to that situation. My inner and outer environments are closely synchronized.
A state where I my inner and outer projections do not align. In this state, my inner projections are detached from my immediate outer projections. For example, I might be sitting in my bedroom (an outer projection), but inwardly I am projecting scenes I did not or will not experience directly and which have nothing to do with my sitting in my bedroom. For example, I might be projecting future fears, past mistakes, imagining the feelings and experiences of people I do not know, even fantasizing about distant worlds, consuming entertainment and digital media, or desiring something other than what I have. My inner and outer environments are not synchronized.
When my inner and outer environments are not aligned, I will experience greater pain and conflict. When I ground my inner projection in the slower-moving outer projection, I can more clearly see the essential and move toward it.
There is a distinct shift I experience when I bring both my inner and outer focus toward the essential. I become aware of the point of awareness from which both my inner and outer environments project, rather than the forms which are projected. I strengthen my attachment to the essential, and weaken my attachment to the inessential.
It is difficult to maintain this position at first, but over time it becomes easier over time. I learn mechanisms for re-centering on the essential, especially when there are distressing inner and outer forms and performances.
The essential is is fixed, and the inessential is everything else. I can take advantage of a slow-moving outer projection to ground a fast-moving inner projection.
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