As I progress in my descent there is a need for ritual. Ritual serves to remind me of what I know and what I want. Without it, the persistent water of the awakening can change and wear away the stone of conviction.
I divide my awakenings into three parts:
The awakening: I mourn my awakening. I have left the peace of sleep and awakened into my physical body. The familiar grogginess and disorientation is the sting of trauma from the loss of peace. I recognize that I do not want to be here, and that it is peace I want. I steel myself for the upcoming battle.
The battle: I battle my awakening. I have recovered from the trauma of the awakening and the engagement begins. I remember where I am and what I want. I recognize the ongoing desires in which I am ensnared, and the new desires which compete for my bondage.
The homecoming: I welcome my asleepening. My true self of peace will always win, for that is who I am. Peace has started to overcome the illness, and draws me home to nourish and renew me for the battle once again. I welcome and even celebrate the forthcoming asleepening.
With this ritual, I will remain strong in my fight against the illness.
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